Snickerdoodles
by i.paint.the.sky
Summary: After talking with Lizzie in Episode 81, Bing thinks about his relationship with Jane and another time when Darcy interfered in his love life.


_I had often seen him in love before._

Mr Darcy_, Pride and Prejudice_

* * *

Bing had never liked hotel rooms and how transient he felt when staying in one. Caroline had always chided him for feelingthat way, insisting the whole fun of travelling was to _be_ transient, but the only effect that had was making him travel even less. Still, there were times when it was a necessary evil and now was definitely one of those, sincehe really wasn't ready to go back to LA and everything – and every_one_ – there.

Darcy had warned him that Lizzie was at Pemberley and his tone when he said it had almost been enough to keep Bing away. In the end though, he hadn't been able to resist. There was just something about those Bennet girls, something ...

He'd wanted to ask about Jane the minute he'd knocked on that office door. And the next minute and the one after that but knew he couldn't, or at least shouldn't. A clean break, that's what everyone had said he needed. Eventually though, he just couldn't help himself. And what he'd learned, well, that more than anything else had driven him to this luxurious but still somehow sterile room, just him and his thoughts. Alone.

_Bing, if you have something to say to Jane, call her. Her number hasn't changed._

_I don't think that would be a good idea._

_Well, at least it will be your not good idea._

Lizzie was right. He wondered just how long it had taken her to figure that part out – probably not long, she was pretty smart. He remembered Jane worrying her sister wasn't going to ever get into the world and use that brain of hers. From the looks of it, Lizzie had finally managed it, or was at least starting to manage it. Which really was besides the point anyway because it wasn't Lizzie Bennet that Bing was worried about. It was Jane, always Jane, who was doing well ... mostly.

A few months ago, he'd heard Darcy tell Caroline the same thing about him, albeit with few more syllables. And he'd felt bad, knowing he was worrying them, so he tried to be more positive, to meet people, keep busy. And it had been working, or at least he thought it had been, until suddenly here he was, thinking about her again and wondering.

_When I'm not the smartest person in the room, I like to believe I'm smart enough to figure who is ... and listen to him. Or her. _

_And what if they're wrong?_

He hadn't been able to find an answer for Lizzie then but, as was always the case, he knew exactly what he should have said now.

"Oh, Lizzie Bennet, what if they're right?"

_(2 years earlier)_

Bing had never met a girl like Augusta. She was beautiful, glamourous, and every time she smiled at him, he felt the need to pinch himself, just to be sure. He just couldn't believe that he was this lucky.

Unfortunately, as it turned out, Darcy couldn't believe it either.

"I know you do not want to believe me," Darcy said after literally dragging Bing away from the party, "but that woman is taking advantage of you."

Bing stared for a moment, then smiled. "I know you're trying to look out for me but you're being paranoid. Augusta is wonderful and I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

Darcy frowned and Bing could almost hear his friend's teeth gritting together. "Do you trust her more than you trust me?" he finally asked.

"No, of course no-... I mean ..." Bing stammered, realizing the Freudian slip he had just made. He took a deep breath before speaking again. "You're my best friend, of course I trust you with my life. But that doesn't mean I don't trust Augusta. I love her and I can see us spending our lives together."

"And spending your money."

Bing shook his head. "That's not how it is with us at all. I wish you and my sister could see that."

"Caroline has mentioned this as well?" Darcy asked, his eyebrow rising slightly.

"Yes and she's just as wrong about Augusta as you are." Bing sighed heavily and turned around. "I'm going back to the party, I don't want to worry my girlfriend."

As he began to walk away, Darcy called out after him. "The only thing she's worried about is whether you're going to pay her tab at the end of the night."

Bing stopped and spun around. "You think so?" he yelled back. "Fine, well, how about I tell her I can't cover it tonight and then we'll see what happens."

Darcy didn't say a word, which only made Bing angrier. He turned and stormed off, back onto the dance floor where Augusta and some of her girlfriends were. Augusta looked up at him and grinned, turning rage into butterflies in an instant.

"Hey, where have you been?" she asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Oh Darcy was just ..."

"Being Darcy?" she said with a laugh.

Bing smiled. "Yeah, exactly."

She learned up and kissed him. "I really don't understand how the two of you ever became friends. He's so ... weird."

"He's ... never mind." He paused, carefully considering his next words. "Look, Augusta, I'm sorry but I just remembered that I need to buy some textbooks for the new semester, so money's a bit tight. I don't think I can cover the tab tonight. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, it just slipped my mind."

Augusta blinked at him, her hands sliding down his arms. And then she smiled again. "Sure, totally, that's not a problem," she said. "Definitely not."

Bing grinned and reached for her, pulling her body against his. "Good," he whispered before kissing her again. As they began to dance, he looked up and saw Darcy standing on the edge of the dance floor, watching them. Bing smiled at him before turning away and focusing all his attention on this goddess before him.

The night stretched on, one song becoming another, one dance continuing for hours. Finally, it was last call and Augusta reached for his hand, walking up to the bar. Her free hand reached into her purse and pulled out her wallet. A moment later, she froze.

"Shit, my credit card isn't here," she exclaimed. She snapped her wallet closed but not before Bing got a glimpse of the card slots. "Oh my god, I was shopping online at home and I must have forgotten to put it back. I'm sorry, baby, but couldn't you cover us just this time? I promise, I'll get the next one."

"Sure," he told her, his voice flat. As he handed his card over to the bartender, he watched her. She smiled at him and he felt about ready to throw up. She had her card, he'd seen it clearly enough that he couldn't second guess himself, no matter how much he wanted to. Which meant not only was she lying to him but that Darcy, as always, was right.

He broke up with Augusta the next day, over the phone. When she asked for a reason, he hung up.

(_Present_)

It still hurt to think about Augusta, even after two years had passed. But eventually he had been grateful that it ended the way it did, that Darcy spoke up before he'd become even more attached to her. The first thing he had done after cutting her out of his life was apologize to Darcy and Caroline for ever doubting them. He knew then that they had his back, that they had known better than he did just what type of girl Augusta was. But was that still true? Or had the past blinded him, made it easier for him to believe the worst of someone whom he claimed to love – whom he _did_ love.

_I can afford to be generous most of the time._

He'd meant that when he said it but when it had mattered most, he hadn't been. And in his heart, he had always wondered.

_Hey, Lizzie, are these all really letters to Charlotte?_

He'd known the answer before he asked. Gigi didn't know it, but he'd overheard her mention Lizzie and videos to Darcy, one time when they didn't realize he was standing just outside the door. It had gotten him thinking then and now it got him pulling out his laptop and heading straight to Google.

He found them right away and suddenly there she was on screen. Jane, beautiful, smiling Jane. He really had never meta girl like her and the butterflies he still got now were stronger than anything else he had ever felt. And the worst part was that he hadn't realized how much stronger it was until after she was gone.

He didn't watch all of them, only bits a pieces here and there, mostly when Jane was on camera. When he found episode 28, he wasn't surprised to see himself appear on screen, though he was more than a little angry at Lizzie and Jane for doing it. And Caroline, fortelling themit was okay and for hiding it from him.

He kept skimming them until the beginning of episode 48, Snickerdoodles.

_My name is Lizzie Bennet and I have never seen Jane like this._

He looked at the date it had been posted but he already knew when this was. The end of September, when he's gone back to LA.

This time, he let the episode run through, unable to stop and skip a single moment.

_You just waited for days to say anything, you didn't email, you didn't do anything to let me know that you just left. I made you Snickerdoodles._

_Jane ..._

_You just left and you didn't say anything except that you were going to be in Los Angeles for awhile. And I don't know what you're thinking and I don't know what I did and I don't know ... why you won't have just like a real conversation with me._

Bing stood up and walked away, needing to put some distance between himself and the screen, between himself and the image of Jane crying because of him.

He stood by the window for a long time, a million thoughts fighting it out in his head. He should confront Lizzie. He should confront Darcy. He should go to LA right away and beg for Jane's forgiveness. He should leave her alone and let her move on with her life. Each idea sounded good at the time and terrible a moment after.

Finally he sat down before the computer again, took a deep breath, and began to write an email.

_Jane,_

_I don't expect anything from you and I am sure you will delete this as soon as you read it, if not earlier, and that is not less than I deserve. I don't know what to say except that I have been a complete and unmitigated ass and I am so, so sorry ..._


End file.
